Yup. That’s me! The Techno-dinosaur. Though perhaps it is a derogatory term to some. In a way I take pride in it. When I run into a computer glitch I try working it out, but am never succesful. I call my publicist sniveling and sobbing. Elizabeth verbally pats my bald pate and tells me to go play computer games. She’ll take care of the problem.
Regular computers are not my only downfall. I once had a computerized commie coffeepot that only worked when it wanted to and that wasn’t often. I swear it took three hours to brew a pot of mighty mudd. (A most horrible thng for an author) It was given to me by my mother-in-law. My wife at the time said I couldn’t toss it as that would hurt the mom’s feelings. Thankfully two years later it tried hiding from me behind the tires of Ol Blue, my truck. I didn’t see it and ran over the poor thing five times. To this day I don’t know how it got behind that wheel.
Then the other day I’m sitting in the sty wearing my fingers down on the keyboard when my buddy pulls up in his new car. I made the appropriate ooos and ahhs, then he asks if I want to take it for a spin. I don’t busually drive other folks cars, but he insisted. I get in and there ain’t no place to put a key. I’m looking around and he says “Put on your seat belt and mash on the brake while pushing this button and saying this magic word.” “Ishabibble!” I yells and that mother comes to life. It has nine gears in an automactic transmission and more durn bells, whisles and buttons than you can shake a stick at. I reach up to adjust the rearview and some gal’s voice calls me by his name and asks what she can do for him.Durn thing was haunted I tell yuh! I’m about to order a burger, mudd and a deck of smokes when he tells her there’s a new driver and calling her was a mistake. Can’t tell you how disppointed I was when the grub and the smokes didn’t pop out of the glovebox.
Off down the road we go. That little four cylinder putting my big V8 in Ol Blue to shame. I reach over to turn down the ac and the music from 500 speakers blows my eardrums into my head. I turned that varmint around!
Back in my yard, I’m making appreciative noises about his new car. I can see his mouth moving and his head bouncing up and down. Couldn’t hear a thing he said. Went back in the house and peeked out the window until he was gone. Once he was out of sight, I ran out and hugged Ol Blue. She ain’t new. She ain’t purty, but the engine starts everytime I turn the key and yuh know. That’s good enough for me. : )