I have mentioned Raymond a few times in my blogs. Raymond was my cousin a couple of years older than me. Back in the day he was my best friend and favorite victim. Yeah, I loved him like a brother.
Every summer Raymond would spend a couple of weeks with my grandmother and I, but being a city boy, would grow bored and homesick after a week of fishing and running the woods.
One morning we sit on the porch doing the “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” game, when I mentioned a game of hide and seek. Though we were both a little old for that Raymond thought it a grand idea. The rules were he could hide in the house, but not outside and I’d search for him. Yeah, as I lived there and knew everywhere he could hide, the game was slightly rigged. Just the way I liked it.
So I give Raymond the count of one million nine hundred thousand five hundred forty three. That took about five minutes. (I never was too good with numbers) Going in I look in every nook and cranny. No Raymond. Finally with my superior powers of deduction I hear him breathing in my grandmother’s closet. That closet was two wide boards. One going up and the other going across on top, set against the wall. A large piece of cloth across the front was the “door”. I don’t say a word to Raymond, but go outside and in a short time found what I was looking for.
Going back in, I stand in front of the closet and call, “Raymond!” No answer. “Raymond ! I have something to show you!” Still no answer. I try again. “Raymond. I know you are in the closet. Stick your head out here and see this. You’ll really like it !”
Sure enough Raymond pokes his head out of the closet and said “What is it?”
“A dry cat turd!” I yell and “Here! Smell !” I shove it up his nose.
It was Frankenstein in drag, wearing the door cloth as a cape that came charging out of the closet, giggling and drooling in an insane delight at the mayhem he planned to do to my personage ! I didn’t stop to tell him that my grandmother’s two dresses hanging off him actually didn’t look that bad on him. I was too busy leaving.
I hit the front screen door at warp speed with Raymond hot on my heels. I cleared a three strand barb wire fence, but Raymond hadn’t quite reached it when my grandmother’s shout brought us both up short. She wasn’t happy with Raymond wearing her dress, much less two. I made sure not to be alone with Raymond the rest of the day and that evening his mother came to get him. I was safe for another year. : )